So, I went costume shopping with my boyfriend a few days ago. When we entered the store I headed straight to the plus size section because (though I am not obese I am most definitely overweight) I really thought that the Large sized costume would be too small. So I try on the Extra Large Miss Krueger costume. (The costume is just so cute! I love the way the dress and the hat look together and I know it'd be super sexy with some fishnet stockings and knee high boots!) I come out of the dressing room and look into the mirror. The dress is not flattering at all. It goes down to like my knees and is really baggy...and I still had on my jeans and shirt underneath. The salesgirls looks at me and gives a small chuckle. She says "You know you went to the plus size section right? Let me get you the Large." Now, I am not a small girl. I have broad shoulders, no hips (tragic!), and a belly. If I was actually athletic I'd have that athletic boyish frame that some girls have. I think I look like I should be shopping in the plus size section (my boyfriend always disagrees when I say this). I just didn't want to have to go a size up so I just started at a larger size. Why all of this psychology to try on a costume?
I can't lie, having to buy a smaller size made me feel good (and the large did look and fit much better). But I also felt guilty for being happy that I didn't have to buy a plus size costume. Am I wrong?
I've struggled, like many others, with my weight for most of my life. I really began gaining between 4th and 5th grade. I had always been a bit chubby but by the time I was 10 or 11 I had really ballooned. I played no sports throughout elementary school and most of high school, and when I expressed interest in playing my mother always told me that she didn't want me to so I couldn't. In 10th or 11th grade I tried out for the softball team. After two weeks I was cut. But in those two weeks I lost ten pounds. I wasn't really upset about getting cut. I was more upset because I wanted to lose more weight. By the time I graduated high school I was definitely over 190lbs.
I attended college in another state. I had no car and my only means of transportation were my legs, the bus, and the train. My campus was a town in itself and if the buses ran at an inconvenient time I was walking to class. I was subconsciously choosing healthier meals in the dining halls and my funds were limited so I rarely ordered fast food or takeout. Unsurprisingly, after two years in school I had unknowingly lost 30lbs. I couldn't see it but everyone else could. My junior year of college began September of 2007 and I started using the gym to tone up my body. My conditioning was pretty good from walking everywhere so I would run 30 minutes non stop and then spend between 20-30 minutes in the weight room. I was looking and feeling pretty damn good!
What the hell happened???!
It is now 2011 and I have gained back every single pound that I lost. I don't go to the gym nearly as much as I should and my diet, at times, is pretty atrocious. There are times when I eat very very healthy. But then there are times when I eat takeout everyday.
Now I know that people are beautiful no matter what the size. And the recent fat bias in America is pretty disgusting. There is a new form of prejudice against obese and overweight people (ESPECIALLY women) that is sickening. But I still want to lose weight. It doesn't FEEL good to be kind of sloppy and inactive.
So how do I drop the pounds without feeling like a "sell out"?
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