Where are my manners?

How did I start this blog and not introduce myself? I just jumped into my issues (that's so me!).  Well my name is Vanessa and I'm currently 24 years old. I'll be twenty five in 3 months, whoop whoop! Ha ha. Actually I'm not not THAT excited. I'll be twenty five and still haven't started or found a career =( Is that bad? Anyway...

I'm a native New Yorker (and not UPSTATE NY either). I'm silly as hell. I love all things Tina Fey (I'm watching a 30 Rock marathon as I type!) and Jason Segel (I am like in love with him). I have been in a relationship for 4 years and my boyfriend is my best friend (literally...he's the best and he puts up with all of my shit. I'm ridiculously temperamental.) I looooooove Harry Potter and crosswords and Sudoku. I watch so much TV that it is ridiculous and I prefer older TV shows (Wayans Bros., Martin, Cosby Show, The Parkers, My Wife and Kids...black sitcoms much? teehee.)

Ummm..what else?

I love liquid eyeliner.  I really wear it just about everyday and it must be thick and extended past my eye lids. VERY DRAMATIC-LIKE.  I love high heels but never wear them. I am so NOT glamorous and am not a glamor (sp?) girl.

I like telling dirty jokes and talking about immature/inappropriate things.  But sometimes I am VERY classy and lady-like, I promise. I guess I'm the person that I need to be when I need to be her. But I prefer being silly =)

Hmmm...

Oh yea, my favorite songs are about booty shaking and booty clapping and ignorant shit. But I can't help it, they are SO DAMN catchy! I love 'em! Needless to say I love to dance and go out to bars and lounges and stuff. I don't like socializing, but I like being out. Being stuck in the house drives me nuts (yet I'm always there).

I live at home with my parents. In the basement. With my boyfriend. It's weird. Unconventional. and UNUSUAL. I know. I hate telling people because I know how weird it sounds...and how weird IT IS. I wasn't thinking when we came up with this living situation. If I could go back in time I would do it differently (at least I'm honest).

I'll make this short (HA!)...

I have a B.A. in Speech Pathology with a minor in English, but I'm thinking about getting a Master's to be a Physician's Assistant (they basically do what MD's do but can't write prescriptions). But I really want to write for TV (I think I could write some kick-ass TV shows) and/or be a plus size model because I want people to dress me up and do my make up and make me prettyful. I don't want to be famous, I just want to do something different. And I want to make an impact and help people (how cliche). I just can't have a conventional job or life. It's just not for me. I have the attention span of a goldfish (well not really but you get it...).

Let me stop now because I really can go on FOREVER.

MsKnowItAll

(P.S. I don't ... that's the irony ... get it?)

The Weight Issue

So, I went costume shopping with my boyfriend a few days ago.  When we entered the store I headed straight to the plus size section because (though I am not obese I am most definitely overweight) I really thought that the Large sized costume would be too small.  So I try on the Extra Large Miss Krueger costume. (The costume is just so cute! I love the way the dress and the hat look together and I know it'd be super sexy with some fishnet stockings and knee high boots!)  I come out of the dressing room and look into the mirror.  The dress is not flattering at all.  It goes down to like my knees and is really baggy...and I still had on my jeans and shirt underneath. The salesgirls looks at me and gives a small chuckle.  She says "You know you went to the plus size section right? Let me get you the Large." Now, I am not a small girl. I have broad shoulders, no hips (tragic!), and a belly.  If I was actually athletic I'd have that athletic boyish frame that some girls have.  I think I look like I should be shopping in the plus size section (my boyfriend always disagrees when I say this).  I just didn't want to have to go a size up so I just started at a larger size. Why all of this psychology to try on a costume?

I can't lie, having to buy a smaller size made me feel good (and the large did look and fit much better).  But I also felt guilty for being happy that I didn't have to buy a plus size costume.  Am I wrong?

I've struggled, like many others, with my weight for most of my life.  I really began gaining between 4th and 5th grade.  I had always been a bit chubby but by the time I was 10 or 11 I had really ballooned.  I played no sports throughout elementary school and most of high school, and when I expressed interest in playing my mother always told me that she didn't want me to so I couldn't.  In 10th or 11th grade I tried out for the softball team.  After two weeks I was cut.  But in those two weeks I lost ten pounds.  I wasn't really upset about getting cut.  I was more upset because I wanted to lose more weight.  By the time I graduated high school I was definitely over 190lbs.

I attended college in another state. I had no car and my only means of transportation were my legs, the bus, and the train.  My campus was a town in itself and if the buses ran at an inconvenient time I was walking to class.  I was subconsciously choosing healthier meals in the dining halls and my funds were limited so I rarely ordered fast food or takeout.  Unsurprisingly, after two years in school I had unknowingly lost 30lbs.  I couldn't see it but everyone else could. My junior year of college began September of 2007 and I started using the gym to tone up my body.  My conditioning was pretty good from walking everywhere so I would run 30 minutes non stop and then spend between 20-30 minutes in the weight room. I was looking and feeling pretty damn good!

What the hell happened???!

It is now 2011 and I have gained back every single pound that I lost. I don't go to the gym nearly as much as I should and my diet, at times, is pretty atrocious.  There are times when I eat very very healthy. But then there are times when I eat takeout everyday.

Now I know that people are beautiful no matter what the size.  And the recent fat bias in America is pretty disgusting.  There is a new form of prejudice against obese and overweight people (ESPECIALLY women) that is sickening.  But I still want to lose weight.  It doesn't FEEL good to be kind of sloppy and inactive.

So how do I drop the pounds without feeling like a "sell out"?